8 weeks bump/pooch

I've said it before, I am already rounding out. I always have a pooch, thanks to your brother, but this "bump" goes all the way to the boobens.

Ultrasound 7 and 8 weeks

It doesn't look like much, perhaps, but that's you! That darling little dot. And that graph? That's your perfect and beautiful heartbeat! At 7 weeks, it was 113/bpm, which was perfect. At 8 weeks, it is 160/bpm, which is perfect. It is such a lovely, reassuring sound to this mama's ears! We met our baby doctor today, Dr. Wesley Davis at Circle of Life Women's Center. He seems really nice and like someone who can help us through this just fine. I was nervous 'cuz Hudson's delivery doctor moved to Washington just after he was born. He was fabulous. I am happy I found someone else at the same center though because I am happy with the facilities and with their methods. They give us a DVD that we take to each appt. to have the ultrasounds recorded onto. It is nice that you will have one just like your brother! 

Eight Weeks!

I know things are going to be harder, and a lot of the pictures we will take of you will have your brother too, but I really want to try to take as many pictures and videos of you as I do as your brother. I'm kind of ridiculous about it... but I think a lot of first-time mommies are, but then they stop or forget for one reason or another. I am truly going to do my best to keep everything I've done for Hudson going for both of you- monthly books, lots of pictures, monthly roll of quarters, etc. There will be some differences, just beware. For one, Your bubba's journal started out as a written one, so he will have that in addition to the blog. I have since realized how hard it is to hand write! Sorry, kiddo. I still love you though. Also, with Hudson, we did monthly pictures at Sears for the first year. Sears photo has changed and we aren't impressed, so we will see what we can do to even that out some. Otherwise, we will do our own at-home versions, along with our every 3-months by Ashleigh that we've been doing. You are every bit as important as your brother and every first for you will mean the world to me. If I ever forget to show it or say it, please know that it is still true!!

love, mommy!

Telling the Grandparents!

So, on Friday night, I was ready to tell Grandma and Grandpa Perkins. Daddy and I went over there to visit and watch movies, and halfway through the night, we "remembered" the pictures out in the car. I ran out to get them and we gave both Grandma and Grandpa a set of the following picture collages. 

Grandpa looked at the first one and didn't realize there were two under it, so he said, "Neat!" and then tossed them aside. Daddy told him there were more under it, so he picked them back up. Meanwhile, Grandma is looking through them, oohing and ahhing at your adorable brother. Grandpa gets to the baseball one and gets it right away- "No way!" and we wait for Grandma. As she goes to put them down, we say "did you see the baseball one? Take another look..." and she does, and she just about loses it- "Are you pregnant??!" They were thrilled, of course!! Hugs and kisses followed and lots of "gosh, I can't think of anything else!" It went perfectly. A picture really is worth a thousand words... even if you have to write some words on it too. Look how happy we are! Aren't you thrilled to join this fun family?!? 

It didn't go quite as nicely with Grandpa Beck. Saturday morning, we went yard saling with him, then to an Easter Egg hunt. I was feeling rotten all morning long. You, little one, like to make me feel sick. Yuck. Anyways, during the prize collection after the hunt, your not-so-tactful Grandpa said to me "Saw a lot of crack out there today, yup. And it was all yours." as he roughly patted me on the back. Ugh. First of all- WHY? Why say a damn thing?? I was wearing a long shirt and coat, not much else I could have done about it. It happens to the best of us. Don't like it, don't look!! I was just annoyed, especially after another insensitive thing he said just last week. And combined with the patting that made me want to puke all over the people in front of me, I just couldn't take it anymore. I told him to stop it and that a lot of what he's been saying had been getting on my nerves. I wasn't exactly nice about it. He stomped off pouting. The drive home was miserable. He was mad at me, I was mad at him and Daddy is just the ever-peace-keeper. I motioned to Daddy that we had to tell Grandpa. Unfortunately, we had left the pictures at Gma and Gpa's house, so we had to quickly stop by there, as much as all of us wanted out of that tension-filled car. When we gave him the pictures, we had to explain it again- but Grandpa said "well, I asked you last week..." Exactly!! That was the other thing I was upset about- YOU DO NOT ASK!!! I felt like he had taken my surprise away. Plus, it's simply insensitive. NEVER, EVER ask a lady if she is pregnant, unless, perhaps, you can see the head emerging. Anyways, I think it will all blow over in due time and I know he is thrilled to get to be a Grandpa again. Mommy's just a little overly sensitive right now, and Grandpa's never been too subtle. It will be a funny story, one day!

Saturday night, we told Grandma Weezie and Grandpa Bob. We did the same thing- let the pictures tell the story. Again, they needed prodding to go back to the baseball one, haha. But once they got it, it was priceless! Grandma Weezie is so excited to have another little one to love and spoil... except we DO NOT call it spoil, just a lot of love! And that you are, little one, that you are, already!

Sibling Bond

One side effect of pregnancy I suffer from is extreme emotions. I am a freaking cry baby! I went to the library today to get some books about being a brother for Hudson and ended up crying right there on the floor! I worry so much about how he is going to take the change. I know he will be the best brother, but I worry about what I am taking away from him by adding a baby- the time, the attention. Then I read these sweet books about all the fun siblings have and think back to my own childhood with Uncle AJ and find myself bawling. It really is a special bond that siblings have. I hope you and Hudson find that connection early on and hold onto it.

You will be the best of friends. Yes, you will fight. Probably a lot. Yes, you will resent each other. Yes, you will be jealous of each other. Yes, you will have days where you know Hudson is the favorite, just like he will have days that he knows you are the favorite. But even through it all, you will always have each others backs. You will always stick up for each other. You will share lifelong secrets. You will probably have a secret language that only the two of you will understand. You will find ways to drive me and daddy crazy. You will team up against me and daddy, and you might even win. You will share friends, you will fight over friends. Same with toys. But in the end, you will always share that bond and it will always be stronger than anything else. I am so excited to be able to give this to you, baby M!

love you,
~mommy

Photo Opp!

You are perfect with a strong heart beat! You are measuring in exactly where you should be. I think I mentioned before that today would be week 8, but apparently my math is off and it is week 7, but you are still due on November 4. Your little heartbeat is one of my favorite sounds, second only to your brother's sweet laugh. It was so exciting to see you and hear you! Your heart beat was strong, 113 beats per minute.

Can't wait to see you today!

Today is our first ultrasound, just an hour and 22 minutes from right now! And... you are still a secret!! Grandma and Grandpa Perkins and Grandpa Bob and none of our close friends know yet! But, I don't think I can hold onto it much longer. I am feeling different with you than I did with your bubba Hudson. I feel nauseous and headache-y. And fat. I am pretty sure I am already gaining and rounding out. And really, really tired.

I also had my first craving last night- French onion soup! Weird. Daddy is such a sweetheart, that at 8:30 pm, with a sleeping baby, he was willing to pick up and go to Tepanyaki. But we didn't. Instead, I ran to the store while he stayed home with Hudson and made some at home. It did the job. Still a weird craving, since Tepanyaki is the only place I eat it at, and we go to Tepanyaki so rarely because it is so expensive.

I love you baby Maserati and am so excited to see you today! Keep growing strong, even if it makes me weaker!

~mommy

Your daddy is silly

Daddy and I were laying in bed the other night talking about you. I told him that you were getting ears this week, because that is part of week 6 development and he says, "Oh, did you special order them?" I don't know what it was about that silly comment, but I was laughing so hard I was crying. It was just a fun moment between daddy and me.

I feel pregnant today. And I love it! I have had to get up about a dozen times to pee. My usual pooch seems more bump-like today, though that's probably in my head. I feel beautiful. I love being pregnant. I am good at it. But I am even better at being a mommy. I am so excited to prove it to you!!

love you, love, mommy!

I am not a good secret keeper---

But I really am trying! Daddy and I decided that it would be fun to hold off until at least the ultrasound next Monday, but even better if we could wait another week and play a fun "April Fool's" joke. But... your Grandpa Beck knows. I seriously do not know how, but yesterday, he completely accosted me- "You have something you want to tell me, I see it in your eyes." WHAT?!? Daddy and I tried to play it off, but it seriously annoys me.
First of all, with our fertility troubles, I have learned how truly insensitive it is to prod someone about having babies. You don't know the story- maybe they don't want one; maybe they are struggling to have one; maybe they've actually lost one. It's none of your business. When we were trying our first time, I remember 2 specific examples that were just painful and I will never forget them. I suppose it is ok to tell someone they would be a great mom or dad, but it is never ok to ask them why they aren't or when they will.
Second, now, when we do announce, he's going to be all haughty and "I told you so..." Ugh.
Third, What if we truly weren't?!? I doubt this would just go away. What if we had decided to keep Hudson an only child?
Fourth, is he suggesting I look pregnant??? Fatty, fat, fat?? How rude!!! Why would you suggest such a thing to a person???
Oh, I am just so very bothered by it. He is supposed to babysit Hudson next week, and if he mentions it again, I am just going to tell him straight up how insensitive he is and how it's none of his business. I know he is just excited to be a grandpa and loves it and wants another shot at it, ("maybe with a girl?"), but it bugs me. Oh well. Just gotta remember that my own parents, your Grandma and Grandpa Perkins, were/are just as bad... I guess it just doesn't seem as intrusive because they are mine. The way Grandpa Beck approached  me and not your daddy just annoyed me, I guess. And the fact that I so want to tell everyone, but now I feel a stubbornness not to.

Guess we're all just excited to meet you....

love, mommy~

5 weeks

Some pregnancy symptoms I seem to be having:

• Peeing a lot, go figure
• Warmer body temp than normal
• Heightened sense of smell
• Emotional- so happy, scared, excited, etc, but every feeling leaves me on the verge of tears

Daddy and I have each told a few people at work and outside our normal circle of friends. It's kind of fun having this secret together! But it's also sooooo hard! A part of me just wants to shout it to the world. But I think we are going to hold onto it for a little while. We have our first ultrasound with the fertility clinic on Monday, March 18, which is still a week and a half away. It would be neat to just wait until after that- it might feel more real. I still find myself doubting it, worrying about it. 

We did have some fun reveal pictures taken on Sunday though. We were doing pictures of Hudson anyways, so we just added a fun family picture. Hudson is very much into sports right now, so we did some football, basketball and baseball pictures. For the reveal, I made a Home Plate that says "Li'l slugger coming home fall 2013!" and daddy and I wore Ogden Raptor Jerseys and Hudson held a baseball bat. Hoping we got some cute ones. Your big brother was being silly and a little ornery, so we will see. 

Love you,

~mommy

Everything looks great!

My hCG levels are excellent, meaning you are there, baby M, and growing strong! At 4 weeks, the hCG levels are expected to be 5-426 mIU/ml... you are reading at 806!! At 3 weeks, the hCG levels are expected to be 5-50, and your perfect brother was reading right at 50... which makes me think you are an overachiever just like him! Sure hope so, kiddo, 'cuz I have high expectations after Hudson. I know you will be your very own individual, with your very own personality and perfections, but, I sincerely hope you are as easy of a baby as Hudson has been. Wow, this is real!!!

YAY!!

I got my positive at-home test on Saturday! Actually, there was a very faint line, on a dollar-store test on Friday... I assumed it was just a cheap test. Saturday morning, I tried another dollar-store test and it was a little darker, but still very faint. Saturday afternoon, it was even darker. I showed daddy, and he saw it too, so we thought we were getting closer. The error-proof, not-so-cheap test verified it for us! You are on your way, baby Maserati! I will go to the fertility clinic today at lunchtime to get a blood test done, to check levels. They will probably check them again in a couple days to verify growth- they did with Hudson. I am so excited! And nervous!! I love you already, baby M, but is it even possible to love you like I do Hudson?!? Other moms of multiples say it is, so I am going to believe them and just imagine how much love I am truly capable of! This is going to be an amazing journey, darlin'. My calculations set you to be due on November 4, which means you will likely be here around Halloween! So exciting!! I told daddy we have to start brainstorming some awesome costume ideas, something where you can either be bump or baby! Thank you for choosing me, baby. I love you!