Little Dancer

Oh little girl, I love to feel you dancing around inside me! You are everywhere, from lower left belly to upper right belly, right by my ribs. I even saw you push my belly yesterday. You are so strong and so full of energy. It makes sense- you are sucking it all right out of me. I am needing naps everyday. I am exhausted! But it's all worth it to know that you can wiggle so happily inside me. I am so excited for the day that daddy will feel you. Every time I think he can, you stop. But that's ok- It's kind of fun to have secret mommy-daughter feelings right now. I hope that you and I can always be as close as my mommy and I are. I strive to be as good of a mommy as she is, and I think I do a pretty good job. But now she's setting some awesome standards for grandma.

Little Lady, it's funny how I will stop thinking about you for a little while only to be amazed each time I remember that I get to do this all over again- and with a baby girl at that! Sometimes I feel sad that this is my last chance to feel this and do this. I really do love pregnancy. I love the wiggles. I love the bump. I love seeing my shadow or reflection. I love the stretching, the aching, the exhaustion. Because I know what it all means. I love when daddy grabs me around the hips and embraces my belly. I love when he talks to you or about you. I love that Hudson blows bubbles on my belly and seems to be talking and teasing you already.

I have been letting myself dream about that "perfect" birth again. Oh, how I want that! A perfectly healthy, beautiful baby girl emerges after a calm delivery and is quickly handed to me, nestled onto my chest. Not rushed out of the room, not hidden away for an hour, not separated and cared for by others for 11 days. Mine. Healthy. Strong. Striving. We spend a day or two in the hospital, but you are always next to me, if not on me. You are hungry right away and take right to nursing. Your daddy and brother are able to love on you and help me. Your cry is strong and wakes me every three hours in the night- instead of the annoying hospital phone jarring me awake, making me fear the worst. I don't even have time to wander the hospital or get to know the nurses- before anyone works another shift, we are sent happily home. I don't need to cry every day because I know you are well, and if those silly post-natal hormones attack, I can hold you anytime I want to, I am not limited to visiting hours and care shifts. Friends and family visit and are able to love on you without me fretting or feeling like my time with you is being taken. Oh, is it too much to dream?? Is it unfair of me to expect this, to want it so badly?

I love you, little dancer, perfect or not-so-perfect as you may be, you are most certainly loved- always and forever.

love, mommy!