Monday, January 14, 2013

Waiting sucks

I am waiting anxiously, not patiently, for the answer to the only question on my mind right now: "Are you there, baby Maserati?!" Not patiently at all. I knew it was too early, but I couldn't help myself and I have already tested twice, once on Friday and once on Sunday. Scientifically, the earliest I should get a positive is tomorrow, Tuesday, January 15. But that is soooo far away! 

My mind may very well be playing tricks on me, or I may be experiencing actual pregnancy symptoms. What I have noticed thusfar, (again, this could all be my imagination):

  • fatigue- I had to stay home with Hudson on Friday 'cuz Grandpa was at the hospital so Grandma couldn't tend him. (Grandpa is ok and, though he doesn't know it, he is so excited to meet you!) Anyways, I had intended to go up to the hospital and visit, but I just couldn't. I was exhausted. Hudson and I lounged around in our jammies all day. I dozed in and out on the couch as Hudson played all around me. Now, it could have something to do with the fact that I was at the hospital all night 2 nights before, or that I had little motivation to go anywhere because of the foot of snow falling outside, or the bliss of an unexpected day off, or.... I could be pregnant. 
  • appetite- My appetite has been off. Nothing too noticeable or crazy, but "off."
  • smells- My nose, though it is completely phlegmed-up, seems sensitive to smells. I swear your brother smells like something between playdoh and chalk, with a fruity twist. I know, weird. 
  • stomach- this is probably all in my head, but when my tummy rumbles for whatever reason, I envision you attaching yourself to my uterus. I let myself believe that I can truly feel you. I am so excited to have that feeling again!
  • attitude- If I am not pregnant, (probably even if I am), I owe your daddy an apology. I've been kind of extra-ornery lately. Of course, he kind of owes me one too, 'cuz he's definitely not pregnant and he's been ornery too...
  • shortness of breath- May very well be because of the change in weather, especially the extreme cold (it's 15* right now, midday!!) or, it could be because you are squishing my lungs all around, but my asthma has been terrible lately and I have had to use my nebulizer and inhaler frequently. 
  • forgetfulness- And this may very well be because it's Monday, after a busy, stressful weekend, but I completely forgot the key ingredient to my French dip sandwich... the roast beef! I worked so hard packing the rolls and chips and making the au'jus this morning that I was quite disappointed when I went to fix my lunch and realized I didn't have the meat. Lordy. If I truly am pregnant with my Maserati baby, then it is fitting that it was a French dip...
    • When I was pregnant with Hudson, we were out of town with Kyle and Alex and eating at a strange restaurant. Long story short, I wanted a French dip, but ordered a "hot" roast beef ('cuz pregnant ladies can't eat cold deli meats), and got a Hot Roast Beef. Which looks like poop on bread and totally disgusts and distresses pregnant ladies (or, at least this one) and I had a complete break down and will never hear the end of it from Kyle, Alex and daddy.
So, I do not know if you are there when I cradle my tummy. I do not know if you hear me asking Hudson about wanting a baby brother or sister. I do not know if you will be joining our little family in 9 short months. But what I do know is that I can hope. I can pray. And I can keep on trying until you are. 

I love you, Maserati
 love, mommy

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