mommy and daughter!

I am getting soooo excited to give birth to what will one day be my best friend! Obviously, until that day, we will have our moments where you will dislike me, disagree with me and maybe even (hopefully not!) hate me. Until that day, you will push your limits, try my temper and do what every girl does. But when that day comes, you will be amazed at how right I have always been. Because I always had your best interest at heart. I always wanted the best for you, and always always will. I will not be able to give you everything you want, but I will always give you everything you need. I will always be everything you need me to be for you. And you might hate me for it. But it's what a mommy does, and one day you will love and appreciate me for it. The same goes for your brother, but it's just different for a mommy and a daughter, and it is something I am excited that I get to experience.
Your grandma and I have always had a good relationship, and I hope so very much to have the same with you. But I will sacrifice a good relationship for your safety and security. If I have to be mean mom in order to keep you alive and well, I will do it without regret. Luckily, your grandma never did. We talked openly and honest about things. She trusted me, and I treasured that trust. Her punishments were fair and justly applied. I learned a lot from her, and I hope to teach you those same lessons. I hope to be even half the mommy my mommy was to be, and to teach you how to be twice as good as that, should you decide to one day be a mommy too. Grandma had a rocky relationship with her mom, and she vowed to always do better for her kids. And she did. Your Uncle AJ and I always took priority for her, we always knew we were loved and cared for. We never went without, and never needed more than we were given. We had experiences as well as materials that made a childhood worth remembering. She was a parent first, but always a friend as well. And now that I am grown, I appreciate everything she did for me, and still does for me and us. She truly is my best friend. I have a hard time going a day without talking to her and miss her when she's gone. Oh, Bentley, I want this for us. I want you to be my baby girl and my best friend. I want you to trust me, and want you to let me trust you. I want us to enjoy each other. I want to be pretty mommy, with my pretty daughter.

I love you, sweet girl. And even though I am excited to meet you, and even though I am getting things prepared, I want you to take your sweet time and come only when you are strong and healthy. I am still dreaming of my ideal birth and want it so badly.

Lots of love, precious girl, love, mommy!